"What would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the LIVING. Wait, hope for and EXPECT the Lord. Be strong and of good courage and may your heart (Ned) be sturdy and enduring.....Yes, Wait For and Hope For and Expect the Lord."

Psalm 27:13-14 (Amp)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Difficult Day

Well, today has been a struggle. I expect to keep this entry pretty short since I can't hold my eyes open, but I need the prayer for certain right now. Last night, I prayed that God would ordain the schedule for Ned's surgery and his journey home. I prayed that the details of how and when tests and procedures were performed would be a direct reflection of his perfect will for little Ned. So this morning, when I arrived at the hospital, the doctors let me know that they had cancelled the dye test on his heart for today and rescheduled for tomorrow. I felt really good about that change and felt certain that God had made that decision just as I had asked him.

Then, when I returned from lunch, the nurse informed me that they had decided to move Ned to the pediactric intensive care unit. Again, I could trust that God was making changes to the original plan to see if I could continue to trust in Him completely. After Ned was transferred, I went to visit with him in his room. It is a completely different enviornment down there. There were so many sick children from Ned's age to like 17. These children have severe defects and problems that can only be managed not cured. When I got to Ned's room and he was getting settled in, he started "silent crying" meaning that he looks like he is screaming and crying but no volume. It is completely pitiful and it breaks my heart. The doctors down in the PICU ordered him a new sedation medicine.....it didn't go very will. Ned didn't take well to the new medicine and his blook pressue dropped pretty low and it took about 2 hours to get it back up to the low side of normal. It was terrifying, not to mention I wasn't familiar with the enviornment, doctors and nursing staff. When I came back to the house about 30 minues ago, his blood pressure was on the rise, but I still had a really difficult time leaving him. I have been so upset by all the changes that Travis is heading back up here right now....a day early. I hated leaving Ned in a big crib and a room all to himself tonight. I know it's just and enviornmental change and that God is just as present in that room as the NICU, but the whole experience tonight left me completely drained. On the bright side, my weaknesses were more evident to me than ever so it was somewhat easy for me to lay my son back in the hands of the Lord as I left the hospital. I was again shown how very incapable I am of taking care of his without God's provision.

Please keep this move in your prayers and that I will find comfort in our new place! I'm sure I'll feel fine about them once a little time passes, but at the moment I'm really missing the NICU doctors, nurses and staff. I'll write more tomorrow when I can think.....too exhausted tonight (I'll also post pictures of Ned in the crib....it makes him look tiny). Love to you all.....

Betsy

7 comments:

sherry hefner said...

Hi, Betsy...Thanks for posting even though I know you must be exhausted. Everyone loves keeping up with you guys and all that God is doing for Ned.
You may feel weak at this moment, but I think you sound very strong. How wonderful that God is giving you all you need right now.

I imagine all these changes must make you feel unsettled. But, like you said, I know God is allowing these changes for Ned's good. He is such a beautiful baby. I can't wait to see him playing outside with his big brother one of these days!

We are asking God for special strength for you and Travis...and Jack and all the family. Also, we are praying for little Ned continuously...he is always on our minds.
John 16:23 is my verse for tonite...it gives me encouragement, which I would like to share with you.
Love to you and all the family, Sherry

Tricia said...

What reason did they give you for moving him to the PICU? Seems like a very, very odd choice.

~~~~
Lord, bless Betsy and Travis with Your peace that passes ALL of our human understanding. Help them know that you are not only present in whatever room that Ned is in, but that you are cradling him in your very arms. Please minister to Ned and heal his body. In Jesus' name, Amen.
~~~~

(((Hugs))) Betsy.

Anonymous said...

Betsy,
Keep you faith held high, don't let these obstacles blind you. He still has great works for you guys. God is using your experience as a testimony to what He can do. Thanks for your words of encouragement to others during your experience. You and your family are in my constant prayers. Keep believing.
Callie Clark Billings

sarahfowler said...

Betsy,
Continue to seek God's comfort, peace and guidance. He has led you to the right place and to the right people. Of this you are sure of!! He has brought you this far and he will not forsake you now. Praying for both you and Ned!
I love you,
Sarah

Jennifer Smith said...

I can't wait to see the pictures... he is such a cute little baby!

Marcio said...

In our weakness, He is made STRONG.
Julie De Sa

Elizabeth said...

Betsy,

Wonderful news - it is amazing how faith guides us. Please take care of yourself - I know this is hard - but Ned needs you and God needs a bit of reminding sometimes best to do it well.

With thoughts, prayers and LUNG FUNCTION chants,
Elizabeth