"What would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the LIVING. Wait, hope for and EXPECT the Lord. Be strong and of good courage and may your heart (Ned) be sturdy and enduring.....Yes, Wait For and Hope For and Expect the Lord."

Psalm 27:13-14 (Amp)

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I find it odd how your perspective on any given situation changes from time to time, or moment to moment based on your current situation or past experiences. Living in a hospital is like entering some sort of alternate universe where time is completely relative. You never know if you have been here for two week or two months or if one of Ned's episodes has lasted 20 minutes or 4 hours. In fact, Everything in a hospital is relative. I'm never sure how to answer extremely easy questions like, "how are things going today," or "How are you feeling about his current condition". It just depends on the point of reference to which I am refering??

I always find that in a hospital, my perspective about myself changes. I honestly live my life with me at the center of my universe. Of course, when I say "me", I include MY children and all MY interests and MY responsibilities. But here, all of MY problems can't so easily be exaggerated in my mind. There have been times here, when I find it difficult to pray for my son. It isn't that I don't believe the Lord wants me to lift my son up to Him, but it's just that I think so much about how much Jesus taught us to love our neighbor as ourselves and how can I sit here and see the suffering of others and not be moved to share in their heartache as well? I know that our situation with Ned is extremely difficult, but there are so many other parents who are facing terrible circumstances with their own children and the hurt in this place is so intense. I look in the faces of other mothers here and I wish so much to be able to take their pain away because I know the unbearable the burden of their fears.

I have been so very frustrated with the lack of progress in Ned's condition lately; however, recognizing the trials of others here has helped me to be thankful for the healing he has received so far. I am just asking that as you lift Ned up in prayer (I know many of you do often and I praise God for your dedication), please pray healing over this entire unit. This is a place where miracles are seen as often as tragedy; but, somehow, it seems the fear of an unwanted outcome has set the tone around here. Thank you all for your continued support- as you have added Ty and Camilla to your prayer list, also add the baby in room 13 who had to be placed on ECMO today.

Much Love and Many Blessings,