I first want to apologize for not posting for the past several days...I have come back to Chapel Hill without the power cord from my computer so I'm not as "wired" as normal. Travis is mailing it to me today so I should be back on schedule tomorrow. The plan was to put Ned on the high-flow nasal cannula yesterday (vapo-therm), but the PICU was so very busy that they didn't have time to watch him as closely as they would like. I was perfectly fine waiting. I am just so thankful to finally not be the kid who is requiring so much attention. There are a lot of really sick kids here right now and one baby didn't survive yesterday. The PICU is so extreme....things are either miraculously wonderful or overwhelmingly sad. As of right now, they are going to switch Ned over to the vapo-therm some time today. I am just praying that his body has gotten strong enough to hold that little left lung open now! Once he can maintain on the vapo-therm, they will step him down to a regular nasal cannula and then we can leave the intensive care unit. For me, that's a little bitter sweet. I'm ready to get home, but I have grown to really love the people who work on this unit and who have shown such love and compassion to my son and myself. What a fantastic blessing they have been to my life. I was actually kinda glad to get back up here this week.....I missed Ned and the hospital staff? How crazy is that?
Quick question, have you ever gone through a really ugly phase in your life. Like one day you look in the mirror and you're just not really happy with anything about yourself. You feel fat, your hair-do isn't suiting you, you're pale, etc. I've been in a place like that lately and the other night, I attempted to help myself a bit- you know, I used an emergency mask and some extra special moisturizers- cause that should fix 2 months worth of neglect? Anyway, when I was driving back to Chapel Hill, God showed me where I was ugly spiritually. I always tend to pay more attention to my outward appearance than my inner? The first day Ned moved from the NICU to PICU, he had that heart cath test. The surgeon told us we could wait in his room and he would come back there once it was over. Travis and I had stepped out for coffee and when we picked up the phone to get access back into the PICU, the lady on the phone told us to wait in the waiting room till Ned got back. I was very snippy with the woman and she did let us back into his room, but I spoke to her in a tone that wasn't kind at all. It wasn't so much what I said, but the tone in which I said it and the rage that was welling up in me as I was speaking to her. I'm still unsure who it was I spoke to that day, but after God showed me this the other day, I have attempted to apologize. I gave my apology to Deborah who typically answers the phone during the day. She has assured me that she doesn't think it was her, so I've just asked her to let me know if anyone mentions it so I can let them know how sorry and embarrassed I am for my behavior. She said not to worry about it, but I just let her know that God has called me to be better than that to others. Now I feel like if I confess it before all of you, I'm getting a little closer to truly apologizing? Thanks for being my ears!
Please just continue to pray for Ned today......God is working many miracles through his little life and I am just blessed to be a witness to it! Thank you all for enriching my life with your own testimonies of faith. I can't begin to express all my thankfulness to you all for all your love and support. The enormity of it consumes me daily and it sustains me!
Betsy, Travis, Jack & Ned