Difficult Day

Well, today has been a struggle. I expect to keep this entry pretty short since I can't hold my eyes open, but I need the prayer for certain right now. Last night, I prayed that God would ordain the schedule for Ned's surgery and his journey home. I prayed that the details of how and when tests and procedures were performed would be a direct reflection of his perfect will for little Ned. So this morning, when I arrived at the hospital, the doctors let me know that they had cancelled the dye test on his heart for today and rescheduled for tomorrow. I felt really good about that change and felt certain that God had made that decision just as I had asked him.

Then, when I returned from lunch, the nurse informed me that they had decided to move Ned to the pediactric intensive care unit. Again, I could trust that God was making changes to the original plan to see if I could continue to trust in Him completely. After Ned was transferred, I went to visit with him in his room. It is a completely different enviornment down there. There were so many sick children from Ned's age to like 17. These children have severe defects and problems that can only be managed not cured. When I got to Ned's room and he was getting settled in, he started "silent crying" meaning that he looks like he is screaming and crying but no volume. It is completely pitiful and it breaks my heart. The doctors down in the PICU ordered him a new sedation medicine.....it didn't go very will. Ned didn't take well to the new medicine and his blook pressue dropped pretty low and it took about 2 hours to get it back up to the low side of normal. It was terrifying, not to mention I wasn't familiar with the enviornment, doctors and nursing staff. When I came back to the house about 30 minues ago, his blood pressure was on the rise, but I still had a really difficult time leaving him. I have been so upset by all the changes that Travis is heading back up here right now....a day early. I hated leaving Ned in a big crib and a room all to himself tonight. I know it's just and enviornmental change and that God is just as present in that room as the NICU, but the whole experience tonight left me completely drained. On the bright side, my weaknesses were more evident to me than ever so it was somewhat easy for me to lay my son back in the hands of the Lord as I left the hospital. I was again shown how very incapable I am of taking care of his without God's provision.

Please keep this move in your prayers and that I will find comfort in our new place! I'm sure I'll feel fine about them once a little time passes, but at the moment I'm really missing the NICU doctors, nurses and staff. I'll write more tomorrow when I can think.....too exhausted tonight (I'll also post pictures of Ned in the crib....it makes him look tiny). Love to you all.....

Betsy